You wake yourself

I heard little footsteps and his bedroom door open and slam shut. "He's awake already," I mumbled and looked at the clock: 6:24am. Ellie had risen in a loud scream not 20 minutes prior, I changed her diaper, John made her a bottle and back to bed the three of us went. It was snuggly and cozy, with me in the middle of these two lovelies. We all drifted off in the comfort of each others arms. I was not ready to leave this cocoon of warmth when Luke awoke. I dreaded it in fact. He has fully embraced the independence that his big-boy bed gives him. I heard him stand there, I could feel his eyes looking in our room but my eyes were so heavy with sleep that I couldn't open them as Ellie breathed deeply in the crook of my arm.

He shuffled to the living room and I heard him sigh and yawn. I pictured him just sitting in the middle of the floor waking up with his sleepy-head-hair sticking up every which way. I must have drifted off again, the house stayed quiet. Maybe he fell asleep on the living room floor? Some time went by and Ellie began to stir, the clock now read 7:45. Wow, I thought, we got a nice extra hour of sleep. I heard some tinkering in the bathroom, a little boy struggling to get his sleeper off. Oh dear. I handed off Ellie to John and pounced to the bathroom.

There he sat, completely naked on the potty and so proud of himself. "I pooped mama. I fushed it too!" "Luke,Why didn't you come get mom or dad? We would have helped you buddy."

"You two, you, um, you wake yourself!"

Oh sweet boy, thank you for letting us sleep and for your perfect, unassisted aim at the toilet.

Crazy

I cried in the car at this song. Ellie is 18 months old, will the pregnancy hormones ever stop? It's as if my father talks through the damn country radio station. Work hard. Do your best. Fail and try all over again. Don't lie. And love the ones you love.

They called them crazy when they started out
Said seventeen's too young to know what loves about
They've been together fifty-eight years now
That’s crazy

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed
Yea that’s crazy

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say pull up a seat
It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I Love You
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy
And love like crazy

Forever is tomorrow is today

Tomorrow morning at 6:15 I am going to pick up my mother and we are going to arrive here to do an hour of strength training. Lifting weights and walking lunges, one minute planks and reps of hammer curls are in our future. Twice a week. First thing in the morning. Mother and daughter working our bodies for tomorrow for today. For ourselves, for Ellie. Lifting weight to lose the weight.

Stop waiting. What's your forever that is tomorrow that is today?

Street Corner Symphony

It's been a rainy weekend here in Glens Falls and today I saw a discarded, mangled umbrella sticking out of a trash can on a downtown street corner. I don't see that in Glens Falls too much, but in Manhattan it's a common hilarious site when the weather turns.

I've been thinking a lot about my time in New York City lately and how proud I am of myself for making use of the years I spent there. I landed a most perfect job right out of college working here as a Junior Designer and moved up to Graphic Designer as I lost my Junior status. I worked in London for two weeks, I made amazingly great friends that became family. Some of them I have lost touch with because of miscommunications and hurt feelings, I think of them often and regret the situations that shook our foundation. That aside, the job and the friends at the time were nothing short of perfect. I always longed for that someone to be by my side, with my heart on my sleeve I romanticized and wooed and wanted but nothing ever quite worked out in that department. I wish I could have been wise enough to just enjoy the time and not be wanting this or that. However still I am proud of my actions to go for those Manhattan-working-woman dreams. While I loved my job at Nature, I always wanted to try something else, so I put myself out there and I interviewed at my dream store. Seriously, I sat down with their Marketing Director and we looked through my portfolio (which was chock full of medical publishing pieces) and he said, "well, this is great, but you're not showing me anything related to textiles, or home furnishing. Do you know what we do here?" Ouch. I was 23, I was young, I didn't tailor my book to the industry. @#%! Lesson learned. I also should have followed up with an industry specific thank you note, or something to get myself back in the door. I didn't.

Then I dropped of my book here, here, and here. Talk about quintessential New York City. When I followed up they had either already hired or the position was no longer going to be filled.

I interviewed here too. But as I learned through the sit-down interview, it was more of an on campus copy center job than a design job. Still not a bad place to interview. I could have gotten a free masters degree if I was up for it.

And finally in the spring of 2001 I interviewed here. Twice. I was offered the job. I hesitated, I countered, they countered. I hesitated more and then I turned it down. I would have missed my Nature family, the job was in the Bronx, I was living in Queens, it meant that I'd never be in Manhattan. Or I'd have to move to the Bronx and that scared me. It seemed lonely. And yet I always wondered what really would have happened, would I have loved it, would I still be there, or would it have been a big mistake? In the end everything has clearly worked out perfectly, I spent many years here and I am now happily right where I want to be. And thankfully for me, there is a mangled token of my Manhattan days on a street corner in my hometown.