Missed my alarm clock ringing
Woke up, telephone screaming
Boss man singing his same old song
Rolled in late about an hour
no cup of coffee, no shower
Walk of shame with two different shoes on
Now it's poor me, why me, oh me, boring
The same old worn out, blah, blah story
There's no good explanation for it at all
Ain't no rhyme or reason
No complicated meaning
Ain't no need to over-think it
Let go, laughing
Life don't go quite like you planned it
We try so hard to understand it
The irrefutable, indisputable fact is
Alright so I know I can't say "I'm back" by posting a few song lyrics and thinking that will pass muster. It won't. Life has happened, sick kids, work, home, married life, family time, facebook (seriously, that is sad but true), the holidays. It's just happened. No excuse makes sense, so I'm owning it. It's torn me away from slowing down, for relishing sweet moments and precious time. Memories that are burned in my brain sure to be figments down the road of "remember whens" and "did we ever..." will remain there unless I take that step back and for my kids and my family it's time to do so.
I've laid in bed compiling perfect posts in my head of how Ellie blows us kisses goodnight, and how Luke tells me that cargo planes carry cars. I mean really, what else would they carry? Sea planes carry water and jet planes, well they carry fast cars. You can't make this stuff up.
So as I rush and run from home to sitter, to work back to the sitter and back home I am thankful that all that rushing is within less than a square mile. That I get to do what I love here in this town and that what I do makes a difference, even if it's only through the publics subconscious. We have one car and it works, we live within our means and our means justify all that we make it. 2009 was not without bumps, it was a hard year of transition on many levels but through all of that transition has come growth.
And so tonight as I drove home from Saratoga with a new hair cut, a new attitude, and fresh perspectives I sang this out loud. It felt good and in that moment I forgave myself for the months of guilt I carried by not telling Luke and Ellie's stories.
Let go laughing!
edited to add that the "bossman screaming" in my lyric version is Luke and Ellie collectively, not the other boss. Just sayin'.