Here's the thing, I've never been happy with my body. Well maybe on my wedding day I was happy with it, I had been consistently working out and simply had all the time in the world to focus solely on myself. I remember thinking how will I ever keep this up when we have kids, I felt it was a temporary moment and that I would slide back into a mostly sedentary life. Sure enough, the children came and as we adjusted and re-adjusted finding this "me" time was nothing short of impossible as a working mom. I finally took hold of the reigns a few weeks ago and now my mom and I have found this new routine of strength training every Monday and Wednesday at 6:15am, on the off days I jog on the treadmill. I feel so alive and happy and finally in control of my life again. I am learning to really enjoy the treadmill and running, it's such a fantastic outlet and most days I actually crave it. This is huge for me, I usually feel like I am gasping for breath and that my legs might just fall out from under me, but as that lessens my confidence grows. It's simply part of my life now, it's essential to make the time.
I have made a promise to myself that I will never say "I'm so fat" or "I hate my body" in front of my kids. I am not using a scale, I am not obsessing over a number, I am simply obsessing over me, my health and my family's wellbeing. I rejoice in the fact that Luke loves hummus and Ellie screams for avocados and apples, they don't know what McDonald's or Burger King are, they get excited for soup from Panera Bread. I want to keep their appetites as healthy as they are now, I don't want them to be tainted by greasy fried food and happy meals. Some may think this is snobby of me, or that I'm not any fun, but I want them to find the fun in the sandbox and on the playground and occasionally with an ice cream cone or a slice of pizza. It's all about balance and moderation and lifestyle.
We walked to the farmer's market this morning, Luke helped me pick out the potatoes and carrots, the eggs and apple bread, he'll help me make dinner tonight and we'll all feel blessed with the life that we're cultivating.
Even if it most of it ends up on the floor.