Thursday, October 21, 2010

Parental Confidence

I have a fear of doing the wrong thing or pissing people off or being judged by others. I guess it's normal in a way but as a parent it's a daily struggle. Am I doing the right thing? Did I punish him in the right way? Am I too easy? Did I take that "lesson" too far? Does the babysitter think I'm nuts?

I am learning to trust myself and my parental instincts. Luke has the incredible ability to throw up. It's some kind of crazy skill he's developed to manipulate situations. He doesn't like swim lessons, so he throws up. He doesn't like a particular babysitter so he throws up. On her. He doesn't like the smell of certain foods or places or whatever, so he throws up. If Ellie throws up or has a nasty dirty diaper, you guessed it, he throws up. It is exhausting to deal with.

He's in school now and he's thrown up twice. Once was legitimate. He had a fever, and some other symptoms that day and the next but he was healthy and perfect the rest of the weekend. Eating fine, playing fine, sleeping fine. Then Monday comes and he throws up again at school. He said he's sad at school because he can't find me anywhere. That he's so lonely and he misses me. The desperation in his voice had me almost in tears as I watched him well up and look out the window of the car. I was shocked too, since he has never once cried when I left him at school, he's always happy to go and enjoys his days there. Is he that good of an actor at 3, I don't know.

The school's policy is to send kids home when they throw up. But clearly he wasn't sick the second time. He spent the day at the sitter and ate and played and was the picture of health. I really think he was testing to see if he throws up that he'll get to go home. But this can't be a pattern. I can't keep having to leave work and he can't keep manipulating the situation.

So we went to the doctor today, she wrote us a note for school that says he hyper sensitive to smells and that unless he has a loss of appetite, fever, etc that he is not to be sent home. I felt validated and even though we were talking about these issues in front of him he was happy to oblige his thoughts about school and tell his doctor how much fun he has. In a way it seemed to go over his head as he kissed and hugged me throughout the visit.

We left the doctor's office and headed to school. I handed the note to his teacher and she kind of blew me off. She said she didn't need the note as she half-read it and laughed it off, but I told her to keep it for his file. I was told that if other kids are sick they won't keep him in school but if no one else is they'll work with me to keep in class. I told her I wasn't trying to make a bigger deal about it, but that this has been going on at home for 2 years now. I am confident in how we are handling this. I am his parent. I am doing what I feel is the right thing.

Having said all of that I feel like I am "that" parent. The one the teacher thinks is overbearing and crazy. I guess I better get used to it because I have 15 more years to go.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

People will always doubt you and if you have to go running through the streets with him in a football hold to keep him safe, you will. You are looking out for what is best for him. Period. Disregard anything but that.