Kissmiss

If you're in a bad mood or not feeling well you should call us up and we'll put Ellie on the phone. She is in complete love with our Christmas tree and all things related. Snowmen, outdoor lights, Santa, you name it if she sees it she squeals with delight. The way she says "Kissmiss tee" will seriously have you grinning from ear to ear. I keep finding little piles of ornaments scattered about the house; a few on the recliner, one on the kitchen counter, a couple in her room, it cracks me up.

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Tonight I was giving her a tubby (aka bath) and she started coughing really hard, the kind of coughing that is overly dramatic and you know is completely fake. I asked her if she was okay and she said, "Mom, I trow up."

You know about the crazy amounts of throw up in our house, isn't it hilarious that now she's imitating it? I tried to not crack up. Then she hit me with this, "I joke."

Her timing was just perfect.

PS the Kissmiss Tee pictures were taken with my iPhone in the dark thus the poor quality.

Laughter

Don't you hate it when you write a post in your head and it's awesome. I mean seriously awesome. I just did as I sorted the laundry and poof! I sat down to blog it out and it's gone. Ah well.

So here's some recent visual fun! Life is too short for days like yesterday. Smile, live, love, and most of all laugh.

Someone likes Friendly's

The morning of her 2nd birthday, snotty sheets and all. (OMG the guilt of not writing about her big 2nd birthday is looming, as is the fact that I never sent out thank you cards for her gifts. Mother of the year. Right here.)

There are no words just laughter.

Blessed

Lost

I remember the evening so clearly. I was home from New York City, my father had recently lost an election he was campaigning for while simultaneously serving with the Navy. He was gone more than he was home. It was a temporary thing but clearly it was upstanding and honorable. He also wanted to serve the people once again, as a County Supervisor. He thought somehow that he could do both. He campaigned, he traveled back and forth to Connecticut, he petitioned and walked door to door. I remember walking through the old folks home with him and one lady thought I was his wife, we couldn't stop laughing about that. He was fun, he was smiling, he was proud of his effort. He tried so hard and in the end he lost.

A very good friend of his told him (I'm paraphrasing here), "What did you expect, you weren't here, no one thought you could do both. You didn't give it your all."

My father was completely dejected. Lost. Sullen. He beat himself up. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He loved this town. He loved the Navy. His twinkle was lost. On this night I found him in a frustrated state, a side of him I had never seen before. He asked me to drive him to the local VFW. I asked him why and he barked back at me. I was scared actually, but I drove him there as I begged him to tell me what was going on. I watched him walk up the stairs with his head hanging low. I ran inside to him because this wasn't my father and I was worried for him. I sat on the stool next to him for a few minutes while he stared straight ahead and then I kissed him on the forehead and left.

It's a memory I keep buried, one that cuts me to the bone. I called my brother when I got home (I think my mom was at a meeting while this was going on) and thankfully he drove over and picked him up.

I feel that sullen pain tonight. That dejection and worry. My twinkle is lost. I have beaten myself up and at the same time I am confused as hell. The VFW is ironically at the very other end of the street that I live on. I want to run, I want to scream, I want to cry.

I played with Luke tonight before I made dinner. I wanted to laugh and forget the day. I asked him to never grow up, to just stay exactly as he is right now. He laughed in my face and said, "Mawmmm, I need to grow like a tree silly Mommy." Then he hugged me tight and said, "don't worry, I love you to moon and back and again."

You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

Giving Thanks

I love this town. I love good design. When I moved back here from NYC I knew I would have to settle for a job. Afterall, I left a nearly perfect position working with really fun people in the greatest city in the world. I never thought I'd really be able to make a living doing that same thing in the greatest small town in the world.

My college roommate and I have fretted and dreamed about opening a retail store someday. We used to send each other emails with ideas for store names. She wanted to buy a letterpress, I wanted to have fun and make people laugh. She lives in Minneapolis. I live here. We realized along the way that this was merely a dream and that we are both too invested in our lives to take on that kind of risk. She has branched out and worked so hard to have her dream job and I have been blessed to work for people who are willing to take the risk. The risk of opening a beautiful retail store full of charm and vintage urban awesomeness. A risk that affords me the opportunity to have fun, creating beautiful things inspired by our small part of the world.

Thanksgiving is next week. I am grateful, thankful, blessed and honored.

Inspiration

I know, I know. I need to write about Ellie's 2nd birthday bash (which she shared with John who turned 35) and I will. I'll also send out the thank you notes soon too. Oh the guilt. Right now though my knees are aching from probably poor form on the treadmill and I'm listening to my husband make a cake, complete with homemade frosting, for work tomorrow. The birthday tradition at his company is to have the person who had the last birthday make the cake of choice for the next birthday celebrator. He's doing an awesomely endearing job.

Anyway. I just want to share the places I've been visiting lately. They inspire me with their sense of style, their amazingly inspirational attitude, and their determination.

I have felt stuck recently and this makes me want to put on some sneakers and burst out onto the pavement.

In other news after school Luke told Ellie that he missed her today and that he loved her. She replied with, "no." So he said, "I didn't miss you Elle." I kind of laughed to myself, the poor guy felt so rejected and he was being so honestly sweet to her with no prodding from anyone. A few minutes passed and he looked at her and said, "Talk to me Elle."

He is waiting for the day she engages him in conversation and it makes my heart swell. I love these kids. I know I write about how hard life can be with them sometimes but it is seriously the best life ever.

Promises we can't keep

In the morning before I leave him for the day at school Luke always asks me the same question: "You pick me up today right Mommy?"

I respond to him with this as he looks into my eyes with a bit of desperation and on the verge of separation anxiety: "I'll always pick you up at the end of the day Luke. Always. Every day."

Then we hug, kiss and high-five to a great day with big smiles on our faces.

My babysitter lost her best friend to cancer on Saturday. She fought the battle for five years and was a mother to three great kids. I didn't know her all that well but there were days in the summer when I would get to the sitter's house to pick up the kids and she would be holding Ellie on her lap, singing to her and laughing. I've seen her every so often for the last three years and never knew she was sick. She was always so happy and smiling and there was always laughter when she was visiting.

Even though I didn't really know her, I feel the loss. My heart is heavy for her family and I feel a lump in my throat as I promise Luke that I will always be there for him. I know it is overly morose but the hard reality is that we never know what tomorrow will bring.

I am praying and begging that I will live long enough to see my children's children. I'll push it farther than that though because I want to see my great-grandchildren.

I am thankful for every day I have been blessed with. Rest in peace Dianna.