Friday, May 1, 2009

Embracing Moments

Time is ticking away, it marches on whether we want it to or not. Historically I have been one to always look back.

Remembering vacations gone by, family reunions listening to my aunts quip about their childhood, wanting to be back on our honeymoon, wishing I was 5 years old spending summer days riding around in our beat up Army green Chevy truck. The urge to want to go back, to relive those moments is so great that I forget *to live in the moment*. There are new memories to make, and my own husband and children to make them with.

It's time to embrace life. Really embrace it. My kids deserve all of me. John deserves all of me. He told me the other day that when I'm happy and skipping along the road of life he is too and lately there hasn't been much skipping. How sad. Instead I've been kicking and screaming and mourning what will never be and in the end I am wasting so much time. Precious, precious time.

I'm ruining the very moments that I'll want back someday. I am emotionally and physically carrying this baggage around and it's time to check it.

So in this spirit of the now let me tell you what's been going on in the Stevens household.

Ellie is sleeping through the night. Yes you read that right. After 6 months of trying to find our groove we finally found it!! 8pm is bedtime, 4:30 she needs her paci put back in her mouth and she's content until 7am. Glory be, she rocks my world.

Luke has an old (but new to him) swingset that he absolutely adores. He would swing morning, noon, and night if he could with a possible break every now and then to whirl down the twisty slide and climb the ladder. His smile and excitement are infectious.

Firetrucks that sound off "e-o, e-o, e-o" (Luke inspired sound effects) are lined up like a caravan most mornings. The hunt to find the fireman that drives the truck usually results in every toy strewn about the carpet.

He is in love with Richard Scarry books. Pure love, deep interest and total attention paid to every page.

He hates tubby-time but we're working on it.

I am incredibly lucky to be married to such an attentive and loving father. They bring him to tears with their antics and adorableness. He truly embraces and loves fatherhood. As patient as I am with him somedays, he is moreso with me and I am thankful for that.

I guess you have to waste time to realize what you are missing.

PS. I am promising myself that my posts from now on will be on the lighter side of life. My stars (Ellie and Luke) are dancing on the water that's bringing me back to life.

So damn easy to say that life's so hard
Everybody's got their share of battle scars
As for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars that
I'm alive and well

It'd be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me... I'm alive

And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I'm alive and well
I'm alive and well

Stars are dancin' on the water here tonight
It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight
This motor's caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I'm alive and well

And today you know that's good enough for me
Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
Now I'm alive and well
Yeah I'm alive and well

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